I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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