it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
