You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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