my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
