A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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