Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
