does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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