She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
