I think my vagina is haunted
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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