i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you traded sex for a burrito?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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