I hate all girls vehemently.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
