Betty ford says i'm here all night
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
