yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
