oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
