Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
