Where did you get a picture of my penis
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
