My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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