Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
