She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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