We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
