Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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