you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
