Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I pour the whiskey from now on
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
