it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
