bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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