I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
