Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
