I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
