do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
