I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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