When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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