He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
