He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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