it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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