question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
