did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
