i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
