Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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