doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
