I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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