Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
