mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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