I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
