24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
