She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
