Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
