I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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