If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
