I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
