every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
